Pooh Sticks run-out

Sixteen members of the Virago Star Owners Club were lead a merry dance on Sunday the 11^th August when a run our turned into a shambles.

The Sunday run out, billed as “The great pooh sticks challenge” all started well enough with a lot of familiar faces and a few new ones assembled at Box Hill.

A Mr.Ian Thoburn, 39 of Epsom Surrey who had organised the “fun” day left Box hill 5 minutes late and at lightening speed, many members had there faces pushed into awkward shapes by G -forces in trying to keep up with him on the A24.

All was going well until Thoburn deliberately made a wrong turn at Heywards Heath and caused the group to do a mass U turn, it is reported he just laughed Maniacally and then lead what was left of the group back around the one way system, in turn losing two key members, Events organiser Anne Hodson & Bob” Badger” Dawson. He then continued the journey as if nothing had happened & seemed to be well pleased with this turn of events.

Hours later after thrashing our machines to keep up, Anne & Bob were spotted coming from another direction and were at last reunited with the main group. Apparently they even had time to read a map, a skill unheard of in the main group.

On arrival at the Ashdown Forest the search for Pooh Bridge commenced. We were first made to park on a rough gravel car park; we then had to remove all our protective gear whilst the organiser studied a map. We were then told by the ice cream man to go down the road and park on the left, so after putting our gear back on we repeated the operation, but this time were made to park on a steep slippery incline.

Thoburn then lead us up a muddy track & then up a steep hill in hot sunshine only to decide this was the wrong route, we then had to go back to our bikes and get ready to move again.

His lack of local knowledge, even after a dummy run the week before was then blamed on heavy summer rain & wet boots ? Several members were planning a violent revolt, but this was controlled by Steve Tyson, the groups elected leader, who just said, “go easy on him”, this was enough to steady them for the time being…

Demoralised he then tried to get other people to take the lead including Dave Kenway the clueless bloke of France navigation fame.

Mr.Thoburn had brought with him a huge pack of lolly sticks & knowing this we tried to get them from him and sharpen them to use as weapons to try & escape this nightmare, but sadly to no avail.

The decision to find a pub was taken while parked on a steep hill on a blind bend & we were then lead past several to one with a huge car park, then the group  were taken back on the same route and taken to a pub with a tiny car park, the machines then crammed between cars.

By this time with everone dehydrated, debilitated, depressed and other D words they had a lovely lunch. Someone mentioned that a pub booked in advance would have been a good idea, it was also noted that Jazz music was organised for the following day. [Apparently this had happened before at an equally poorly organised event.]

The search for the Bridge was given up and was described by Mr.Thoburn as being “Elusive”.

The new members were by this time generally disorientated & exhausted & not wishing to be part of the return journey wisely hurried off with dismissive waves to the hardcore.

We were then lead back to Horsham for a much needed cup of Tea at Anne & Nicks, the last newcomer, when asking shyly where he was, was told by Mr.Thoburn to find his own way back to South London & was pointed roughly north.

Despite everything the group are reported to have had a nice time and are looking forward to the next Ian Thoburn run out.

Dave Kenway (I.C.L.O. to centre 14) who has been the butt of a thousand jokes this summer and whose directional powers are legendary was described as being “over the moon” with Ian’s failure. He is reported to have said, “It gave me a good laugh for a full 7 hours, Ian trying to find a safe place to turn round on a dead straight unrestricted Roman road was my favourite, he had to go for miles with everyone cursing him from behind, great, just great”.

Next Sunday the group are to head for Hever Castle, this time lead by the more competent Ms.Hodson.  Report ends.

Reporter - VSOC Daily news